My name
by BeautifulWonderland256
Summary: Laxus battles with the mistakes of his past and thinks back to what made him who he is today, along with the one guy who helped him when he thought everyone else had given up. Warnings: One Shot, Crack Pairing, Yaoi, song fic and cursing.


_So, I've been having some really bizarre ideas for writing lately and this is one of them XD It's only a one shot that is mainly based on Laxus and his past, with the added addition of a crack pairing near the end._

_A song called 'My Name' by ShineDown is what motivated this story and are the bolded words listed below (I recommend listening to that sound while reading this to help set the mood). _

_Of course I do not own that song nor do I own any of the characters in this story._

_Anyway, I cut some parts of the song out because it was really repetitive, but anyway, enjoy and please excuse the randomness and probable OOC-ness of Laxus. I've never written for his character before, so I'm still learning how he would react in romantic situations. Hopefully the characters aren't too OOC._

_Oh, and this storyline is in no way connected to Race against time. It's a different view on Laxus's past. Basically it's more... basic..._

_Until next time!_

* * *

><p><em><strong>My name is worthless like you told me I once was.<strong>_

Light shades of purple and orange dusted the otherwise clear blue Magnolian sky; signifying the end of that day in what many considered a beautiful array of creative colors, however Laxus personally couldn't care less. In fact, if anything the mixture of colors only served to worsen his mood.

He just wanted dark to fall so that he could brood with an environment that matched his mood, was that really so much to ask for?

It seemed as though it was.

But… His craving for whether that matched his attitude was not the only reason he wished that dreadful sunset away, no, the reason for that was because it triggered a memory that he had spent many years and countless hours attempting to forget.

But he just never could, regardless of how hard he tried. After all, they say that some things just never seem to completely disperse from your memory, especially if it was an event that truly hurt.

He recalled what had transpired all those years ago in vivid detail, which only managed to cause the pain to be that much more unbearable.

"_Isn't the sunset beautiful, daddy?!" An eight year old Laxus had exclaimed, a large grin appearing on his face as he stared in awe at the combination of gorgeous colors lacing the sky._

_Instead of receiving a confirmation like he hoped the boy was met with an annoyed huff,_

"_What does it matter what the sky looks like?" His father had scoffed, a frown marring his expression, "You are too soft, Laxus. It's disgraceful."_

_Black eyes had widened at the elder man's cruel words, _

"_Dad-…"_

"_Honestly!" The man cut off, his harsh, almost soulless black eyes flickering down to glare at his next of kin, "You are so willing to stop and marvel at the slightest thing that you find to be 'pretty' or 'cute', even going so far as to refuse to hurt anyone during our training!"  
>The boy's lip quivered as he stared at his father, taken aback by his sudden outburst.<em>

_He knew he wasn't strong like his dad had wanted him to be nor was he the ruthless killer that he was raised to mimic, but he did not think that his father truly thought so poorly of him._

"_But… Gramps says…"  
>"That old man has no idea what he's talking about. He's just as much of a worthless sap as you are, Laxus."<em>

"_W-worthless…?"_

_Worthless._

_Worthless._

_That word kept echoing through his head and he watched through tear filled eyes as his dad merely snickered, not caring in the slightest that he had just called his son useless. Instead he just turned and walked away, leaving his son to suffer by himself._

_Suddenly, the sunset no longer seemed so lovely and wonderful to the boy._

_**My name is empty, cause you drained away the love.**_

It was funny, the lightning mage mused bitterly to himself as he silently stalked towards the guild, how most of his early memories with his father consisted of events similar to that one. If anything the insults just got uglier and the pride he felt in himself continued to drop like a stone.

Not once had his father ever told him that he loved him. Not once did he ever tell the kid who idolized him that he was proud of him. Instead he exposed all of Laxus's flaws and abused him, both verbally and physically, with absolutely no remorse.

It was because of that that he had begun to believe that love did not exist, or at the very least, love directed towards him. I mean, if his own father despised him than why would anyone else like him?

Gramps… He constantly expressed his overwhelming pride and love for the boy, however each time they fell on deaf ears for it was not his love that the boy craved so badly. It was not him that he wanted to hug and laugh with, not like he did with his father.

The blonde felt hollow; devoid of any love and he blamed it on his father.

_**My name is searching since you stole my only soul.**_

Despite the taunts and insults his father threw at him growing up, Laxus could never find himself able to truly hate his dad. Over time he began to gradually grow away from the man, instead he found solstice in his grandfather, who proved to be more of a dad than his real one ever was.

Even so, not even Makarov could quell the resentment and anger that grew within the boy. These emotions only managed to grow when Ivan placed the electric dragon slayer lacrima in his son.

The pain… Even to this day the blonde could vividly recall the pain that coursed through his body as the foreign object morphed with his being, giving him more power than he could have ever imagined, however it came with a drastic price.

He lost all childhood innocence he once held and closed himself off to the world, unwilling to allow any more suffering in. He pushed away his family and friends and kept to himself fore he was the only one who could and would never hurt him.

Not even his grandfather managed to get through to the blonde, who was slowly morphing into a young adult.

Never before had the electric mage ever felt so truly alone.

_**My name is hatred, and the reasons we both know.**_

As the child grew into a man he began to dislike the weak and strove to become as strong as he could, in hopes that one day he would be strong enough to please his father and to make a name for himself that succeeded his grandfather.

To him that was the only way to prove to the world and himself that he wasn't worthless.

He was going to make Fairy Tail the strongest guild the earth had ever seen.

But he found himself constantly hidden behind his grandfather's shadow, always being referred to as 'Makarov's grandson'. Suddenly making a name for himself became so much harder.

Especially once his father was kicked out of the guild by none other than the master himself.

All the pain and annoyance he had nestled within him swiftly switched to hatred.

Hatred to the weak for being useless, to Fairy Tail for becoming so soft, to his father who never truly cared about him and to his grandfather who's reputation he was always stuffed under.

It was so much easier to just blame everyone else for everything and it was because of that that he unintentionally hurt his grandpa so much.

He wanted change and his hate was his sole motivation, even as he grew into an adult.

_**Worthless, empty, searching, hatred**_

_**Well who am I right now?**_

Who was he really?

He was Makarov's grandson, Ivan's son, and the genetically engineered Dragon Slayer.

Never did anyone refer to him as he so craved for them to. They never saw him as strong by his own right. He was never just Laxus.

He had to prove to everyone that he was much more than just a son or grandson. He _needed _to show everyone that he was a strong wizard because of what he did and because of his own work, not the work of a relative.

_**You're fuckin' wearing me out!**_

_**You're always dragging me down!**_

_**You're the fake, fallen, force of nature, sick mind.**_

_**I don't need a gun to take back what's mine!**_

The dragon slayer felt his anger rise and he had to stop for a moment, struggling to keep his raging emotions contained.

All day he had been haunted with memories of what transpired at the Grand Magic Games between his father and himself. It seemed that even after all this time and all his accomplishments his father still viewed him as nothing more than a moneymaker; an overall means to an end.

True his father did want him, but not for the reason he had always dreamed.

Instead his father only wanted him for the Lacrima inside of him. He didn't truly care what became of his son. To his father Laxus was still the worthless brat he had been when he was eight and a weakling.

That mere fact managed to anger him more than he thought possible.

_**It's over**_

_**It's over now**_

_**You're wearing me out! **_

His fists clenched beside him as he slowly managed to regulate his breathing once more, but his anger remained full-fledged.

He had finally managed to craft his own name in the world, but it was far from the name he had originally set out for.

To many he was a betrayer and a good for nothing, just like his father.

Through his actions he had gained a reputation that was influenced by his own deeds and, for once, he wished that he was seen as only Makarov's grandson again.

He was so tired.

_**My name is screaming like the sound of your heart failing**_

_**My name is loco like the motive that betrayed me**_

_**Screaming, loco, don't say you know**_

_**Who I am right now**_

He thought that by gaining the guild and becoming its master he could strengthen it and bring it back to the guild that it was supposed to be.

Full of powerful and mature wizards like himself.

He would make it the most powerful guild the world had ever seen.

He even managed to convince his loyalist friends to help him and in turn only managed to betray the members that had once considered him family, who, despite his quirks and flaws, loved him for him.

He abandoned all that in search of the glory he would never claim.

Willingly or not Laxus became just like the father who had betrayed him all those years ago; his heart cold and black.

Right then he became the monster he always hated and thus was exiled like one.

_**You'll be ancient history**_

_**But who am I right now?**_

He was guildless and familyless.

He was lost.

_**My name is revenge and I'm here to save my name.**_

During his exile he was faced with quite some time to think about his actions and what he truly wanted in the world.

Was making a name for himself that was solely due to his own actions really worth the betrayal and threats that he had placed on the ones that had loved him even when he did not deserve it?

Like Mira had said once, it's when you realize how lonely being on your own is that you become kind.

He couldn't express in words just how true that really was.

Before he only felt alone, but he actually had friends around that were there for him. Now… Now he was as alone as he felt…

Even after he battled Master Hades at Tenrou Island, fought at the Grand Magic games and helped in Tartarus, he didn't feel like he belonged in Fairy Tail anymore. The majority of people hated him, not that he could blame them, and he hated himself too.

His team was still there for him but he couldn't look at them without feeling guilty about what he made them do all those months ago.

He had managed to convince them to go against their own morals and attack their comrades. In fact, he had even considered leaving the guild again, even after he was accepted as a member again.

If no one wanted him there he found no reason to stay.

But then, just when he had made up his mind to take his leave once more, he spoke to someone he hadn't had a full conversation with in quite a while.

Looking back on it now, Laxus was certain that had that certain someone not talked to him he would have up and quit Fairy Tail.

It was someone who understood the feeling of loneliness all too well and someone who knew just how it felt to have the whole guild turn against you for a mistake you foolishly made.

_He _helped seal the dragon slayer's darkness and for that he never could thank him enough.

They managed to bond in a way he had never thought possible and, for the first time, Laxus felt true love towards someone who was not his family; someone who actually returned that love.

He fell in love with an arrogant, laid back comrade and for once he felt no regret.

A light smile eased onto the blonde's face as his thoughts took a better turn, just the mere image of his boyfriend managing to erase all the guilt and regret that had just moments ago clouded his mind.

The past was the past and he couldn't change it, his lover had told him that countless times, and now Laxus couldn't agree more.

He had gotten revenge on his father, reclaimed his title as a Fairy Tail mage and, more or less, saved his name from complete disdain.

_**You're fuckin' wearing me out!**_

_**You're always dragging me down!**_

_**You're the fake, fallen, force of nature, sick mind.**_

_**I don't need a gun to take back what's mine!**_

As he neared the Fairy Tail guild the sound of laughter and shouting became clearer, especially a certain voice, which grew to become his favorite sound.

With that person's help he had managed to forgive his sins and quell his demons, a feat that for a while he never thought was possible.

He truly didn't need any form of force to get back what was once his. Instead all he needed was patience and the motivation to keep moving forward.

Pushing the doors open, Laxus entered the guild and immediately raised an eyebrow, not at all surprised to find two certain mages at each other's necks, like they always were.

"You trying to start something, ice freak?!" The pinkette huffed, leaning in closer to the ice mage, who merely did the same, a determined smirk on his pale face.

"Come at me, flamebrain."

Grinning, Gray dropped into a defensive stance, about to lunge forward at the idiot when suddenly an arm wrapping around his waist stopped him in his tracks, causing him to instead glance over his shoulder in irritation,

"Hey! What the… Oh. Hey, babe."

Snickering softly, the dragon slayer leaned down and kissed the snow mage, who gladly returned it,

"I thought I told you not to get into so many fights." He reprimanded teasingly, discreetly pulling his boyfriend away from the fire mage, who, in turn, was grumbling angrily about wanting to beat someone up already.

"Yeah, yeah… But that's about as easy to do as telling me to stop stripping…"  
>"Mhmm... Looks like you didn't manage that either…"<p>

"What are you… Crap! When the hell did that happen?!"

Gray groaned to himself as he looked down and noticed that the shirt, which had been securely on his chest just minutes ago, was now gone.

A halfhearted smirk marred the blonde's features as he sat down at a table with the raven, his past haunting memories already fading away as he stared at the man who was the sole reason he was even here anymore.

As though sensing his lover's thoughts, the ice devil slayer ceased his search of the room for his clothes and instead sent Laxus a curious look,

"Hey, you alright there?"

"Huh?"

Meeting dark blue cobalt eyes, the lightening mage grinned and leaned back in his chair, his arms crossing across his chest as he stared ahead at his future,

"Yeah… Now I am…"

For once in a long time, the blonde could actually say that without lying.

And to think it was all thanks to a stripping brat who just months ago he would have killed along with the rest of them.

_**My name is home because I've found where I belong.**_


End file.
